There is no such thing as 'a relationship', because then relationship would be a rigid and dead sort of 'thing'.
Relationship is not a thing. It is a precious Space of Possibility.
Thinking of relationship as a thing implies that:
Relationship can be broken.
Relationship must be worked on.
Relationship can be lost.
Relationship can be repaired.
What there is, is 'relating', something like 'dancing', a series of activities made together.
In the same way you can become a better dancer, you can become a better 'relater'.
And in the same way that you can decide what kind of dancing you do, you can also decide what kind of relating you do.
Your decision about what kind of relating you do also determines who you relate with, in the same way that the design of your fishnet determines the kind of fish you catch.
Who designed your fishnet?
What are you fishing for?
UPGRADE YOUR RELATING THOUGHTWARE
How to bring your relationship to a new level of love and inspiration?
The way you think about relationship truly matters.
Who did you learn how to relate from? Your parents?
Where did they learn how to relate? Their parents?
You are relating using very outdated thoughtware.
Your relating thoughtware can be upgraded.
Nobody can do it for you.
More interestingly, nobody can stop you from doing it.
Phases Of Evolving Relationship
Where is your 'X' on the map of relating?
What interaction doorways are you creating?
(Ordinary) Child Relating
This is the kind of relating you do when you are energetically 'still in your mother's womb'. You are not actually born yet. You are depending on 'the mother' to take care of you in every sense of the word. You do not have your 'feet on the ground' yet. You are still in the mother's space. She must maintain (or prefers to maintain) her role of 'being the mother' no matter how old you are. This means she has not done her Mother Graduation Initiation. This kind of relating can come from your actual mother, or from someone else (a 'mother figure') playing out the role of 'mother' with you (regardless of whether you are male or female). In this Child Relating there are Expectations, Projections, Conclusions, etc. being played out in ordinary Low Drama.
(Ordinary) Adolescent Relating
This is the kind of relating you do when you are still living in your parent's house, either literally or energetically. You follow their rules, use their money, eat their food, borrow their car, store your stuff there, adopt their beliefs, meet their expectations, etc. You are not you. You are 'one of the kids', a kind of vampire, feeding on a family system the parents have created.
Many people never make it out of this kind of relating, often substituting 'the government' or 'social institutions' for the role of parents.
In addition, if you are a member of a Community, or a close-knit cultural or religious group that distinguishes itself from the surrounding neighborhood, this can function as a strong second layer of the Parent's House that would need to be escaped from (as in escaping from the 8 Prisons to enter Adulthood). By remaining inside of this energetic bubble of 'parents house' or 'culture' or 'religion' or 'street gang', if someone is to relate to you, they must also relate to your bubbled condition. This is similar to being a Mahout (a lifelong caretaker of an elephant). If someone is to be your friend, they will also need to be a friend of your elephant.
(Ordinary) Adaptive-Enmeshed Relating
As a human being 'grows up' there is a natural tendency to rebel against the 'parents' (the external authority figures) and escape out into the world on their own. This urge is often suppressed (by you) or repressed (by your parents or other family or community members). Rage Club is an excellent way to commence Phase 1 of Adulthood. Most parents or communities who are unaware of the necessity for a human being to go on their Hero's Journey Quest to enter Adulthood, try to cause the adolescent or community member to delay or entirely avoid breaking away. The ensuing battle may be won by the parents at the expense of the Adulthood of the child or community member.
Wise parents are aware of the necessity for rebellion, so that when the time for breakaway comes (usually in the early teens) the parents will surreptitiously - seemingly accidentally - get out of the way so that the parents' bubble-wall becomes undefended and more easily punctured for an escape.
Skilled parents may even 'lance' the bubble by exposing the adolescent (preferably unaccompanied) to extra-curricular activities (experiences that have not been previously included in the parents' lifestyle or traditions). This is like accidentally leaving the corral gates open so the the young horse can discover wider territories by its own will.
It turns out that once the adolescent is free in the world, the only model they have for relating is being inside of the parents bubble, so their first attempts at relating are to 'enbubble' the other. This, of course, is enmeshment, or 'fusion', which is the basis of Adaptive co-dependent relating. You are in the constant condition of having given your Center away to your partner. The Thoughtmap of the Evolution of Relating (below) diagrams several possible forms of energetically enmeshed relating.
At first the enmeshment feels ecstatic because with your Bubble Of Space inside of theirs, or theirs inside of yours, you feel the other person's feelings even before they do. You tell inside jokes, have secret code words or hand signals, you feel like you 'know' the other person intimately, thinking this is 'love'. You laugh in ecstasy when the other person is close to you, and you miss them terribly when they go to the grocery store, terrified that they will have intimacies with others that you do not know about and possibly leave you for them. Enmeshment is an emotional rollercoaster, especially in the 'shopping zone' where you are constantly flirting by exchanging glances that contain sexual substances, scanning to find your next partner. This is extremely titillating but never stable.
(Extraordinary) Adult Relating
After some time of you might long for more stability and become willing to disentangle your energetic bubble from controlling or owning the other person. You 'free them' from your grip.
At first this seems insane to risk doing, the stupidest mistake you could make. When you pull back your Bubble, or step out of their Bubble, you feel cold, alone, isolated, lost like an unattractive particle in space, fearing never to feel connection again.
While in First Position you discover that you have a radically increased freedom of movement, but at the same time, your Bubble can touch the other person's Bubble at one single point (not being inside their Bubble, only contacting it at one tiny point).
In First Position Adulthood, if you Inner Navigate and sense clearly what you are feeling, you can also responsibly sense what the other person is feeling, but not before they do.
Arranging to relate in the name of Bright Principles is straightforward. You move your Bubble back away from your partner's bubble ('partner' can mean either professional partner such as a co-Trainer, or personal partner) so there is at least 20 centimeters between your two Bubbles. Then you use your Conscious Will to 'call' the Bright Principles which are feeding your Work Space to slide through the gap between your two Bubbles and do their work through the both of you in the Space.
In this way, the actions and creations of your relating are serving something greater than your individual selves. Your relating and creations serve the Bright Principles. It feels like being lifted up onto a jetliner or a magic carpet and having a vast overview for your choices, and being able to provide greater Nonmaterial Value than either of you could create on your own.
(Archetypal) Archetypal Love Meeting Archetypal Love - Countenance
At the same time, using your 5th Body to relate in the Archetypal Domains is your birthright. You are designed in the image of the Archetypal. Experiencing the ecstasies of profound confirmation from Infinite Resources could be part of your every-day life.
Countenance is but one such example of this.
Archetypal Love is a force of nature, a manifested aspect of the General Field Of Consciousness. Archetypal Love is there, always, but, it is not aware of itself.
Human beings can provide a valuable service by being the space through which Archetypal Love experiences being aware of itself. Full explanations are given on the Countenance website. In short, Countenance occurs when each person becomes Adult and impersonal enough to allow Archetypal Love to flow through their eyes and recognize itself in the eyes of the other. This completes a circuit and causes a sensual 5 Body warm humming 'yellow stuff' vibration of Archetypal Love consciously experiencing itself as Archetypal Love. This 'yellow stuff' influences the human morphogenetic field around the world, and may indeed be one of the most powerful catalysts for evolving the consciousness of the human status quo, which, in our humble opinion, is badly in need of radical upgrades.
(Archetypal) Formulating your Team Into The Configuration Of An 'Angel'
A further form of relating uses Archetypal Love in a Team of about 11 individuals to weld together a temporary (?) configuration, in this case, in the form of an 'Angel'. As shown in the Thoughtmap of the Evolution Of Relationship below, the eleven individuals collaborate intelligence to Notice how each person's Nonmaterial Value serves as one appendage or one organ in the Archetypal energetic configuration of an 'Angel' which can then 'come alive' as a meta-person. Once alive, the 'Angel' is as a baby, a bit uncoordinated and inexperienced. But over a short period of focused practicing, the 'Angel' can mature. Then it can live in service of the Purposes of the Bright Principles of the Space to do the jobs on the bench given by the Earth Coincidence Control Office (E.C.C.O.)
Thoughtmap Of The Evolution Of Relationship
Map Of Relationship Evolution In A Village
Map of Quality of Intimacy
You can learn things your mother never told you and your father never knew.
FIND OUT HOW ENMESHED YOU ARE
Matrix Code EVOLRELA.00
After exiting your parent's space of relationship,
FIND OUT HOW MUCH YOU ARE STILL A SURROGATE PARTNER FOR YOUR MOTHER OR YOUR FATHER
Matrix Code EVOLRELA.00
"How parents seduce their children."
CONVERSE WITH YOUR SIBLINGS ABOUT YOUR FAMILY'S RELATING TRADITIONS
Matrix Code EVOLRELA.00
If you have siblings or cousins, people you have been close, neighbourly friends, who have been through your childhood and environment. Arrange to talk with them in person
open conversation about what it was like to live with your famliy. Focusing on the degree to which you are captured or enmeshed in the parent's bubble. This includes the conversation with them. What did they see that you did not see. What happened to them, what happened to you with regards to the worldview-washing. How free is your intention from your mother, your father, your family's possibility world. The culture, the family culture. To what degree are you soaked in it, enmeshed in it, to what degree do you have freedom of movement
You father wants you to get married, have a job, have kids, they both want you to be like them, have a life like them.
It is a journey into the oatmeal. The soup of being in your family with your parents. The question in your conversation is 'what is the point of that? The value of that? Why should I stick around and try to emulate my parents? And also, what does it cost me?'
Some brothers and sisters will revolt against. Will fight everything about the parents. Some will photocopy, duplicate the parent's life and style and be good. The purpose is to become a kind of scientist that is studying the degree to which people int he family are still enmeshed in the parent's culture. To look at it. To wrap it up, write a poem, a free verse page or 2 long poem that starts off with the first sentence and the last sentence are the same.
First and last line:
My father's rage was unconscious
Mother's dreamworld princess fantasy was contagious